Dear Dr. Ram Dass,

A boy I'm interested in is hot like fyah but so is his breath. I really like him but I cyah deal wit dat fuh long!  What should I do?

Miss Doh Want Hot Breath


Dear Miss Doh Want Hot Breath,

What you are experiencing is known by several names: persistent bad breath, foul breath, smelly mouth, dragon breath, halitosis or morning breath. Sounds like you are coping with the problem. For your benefit I hope that your senses do not become numb to this labass mouth. I will have you know that from my experiences, I have found that anything that smelling rancid is generally rottening. Worst yet, if you can't see it, it mean is from de inside.

I had meet a young lady once. Thing to make man want to go Maharaj and Sons Jewelry and spend big dollars. She had a similar problem, she also created a smell, except hers snuck out from the rear. Two days in a row was enough for me to figure out that it wasn't what she ate that day or the day before. Needless to say, I had to tell her that my cousin in South had fall down real bad on his BMX (he actually would have fallen off his BMX, but you know what I mean) and I had to go spend time with him. "Probably going to tie me up for quite sometime, so I not going to be able to see you for a while."

I doh eat curry, milk or fish that smelling funny (especially saltfish). I certainly don't want to be kissing anything smelling like a doubles that a child forget in a lunch kit that was outside in de sun for a week! Can't be healthy... or satisfying?!

So there's good news, and of course bad news.... The good news is that in general bad breath is caused by some dental condition that can be cured by seeing a dentist and brushing your teeth plenty. This means that you don't have to find another man unless you like more than one at a time and also of benefit is that you know what your current issue is with this man.

The bad news; de man don't wash his mouth!. You will have to wait and see if this man's dry mouth, cavaties, gum disease or tongue bacteria (yes he could have bacteria on the tongue... it's as wonderful as it sounds) can be cured. Very personal for a man you just trying to organize with. Also, mouthwash, dinner mints and chewing gum will only mask the odor and not cure it. So all dat rottening business will still spew out eventually.

They say hygene is personal, but a lack of is public. I suggest that you find someone more considerate of de environment.