Ok here is the way I see it. Men don't USUALLY say no to a woman for a dance. I have a firm never say no policy. If I do say no I must be VERY tired from a set of dances or the next song was promised to someone else. But I always make that dance up to the person I missed. As for what makes me ask a woman to dance.....That depends on a number of factors.

1. MEMORY-If I'm out and see a woman I have had great dances with in the past, I make sure to seek her out.

2. FRESH FACES-Sometimes you see a new woman on the scene who you have never seen before. A dance is always a great way to meet new people.

3. The BILL CLINTON-Sometimes the song demands a dance RIGHT THERE RIGHT NOW. It doesn't matter who you have in your hands, you just want someone to share the song with "skill level" be damned. So you grab whomever is closest. This happens to me a lot.

Ok this being said there are reasons men don't ask women. I have some thoughts.....

1. YOU FOLLOW I LEAD- Enough said. I didn't spend 15 years trying to be one of the worlds best leads, to have a woman come along and try to dictate our dance. You can trust that I'm going to make you look and feel good. You can trust that I'm going to let you enjoy and interpret the song so that its fun. There are some woman out there that think they can dance EVERY partner the way they do with their regular partner. To me these dances always are a disaster.

2. I'M JUST A MAN- I know I am an instructor, but when I am out social dancing, I just want to dance. Not critique every dance I have or every partner. When I see that look on a woman's face of fear or intimidation, I tend to let them go. I don't want to dance with a woman if she is intimidated by me. If your nervous and put me in an authoritative position, the whole time you are thinking "Am I doing this right?" Just let it go. We're just having a good time. I'm not checking to see if you point your toes when you style.....(But you should)

3. SERIOUS SHOES- I know it may sound silly. But if a woman isn't in dance shoes, I am assuming she is either not ready yet or about to leave. If your wearing 5 inch platforms......CMON! I figure you're not serious. I would still ask you to dance but wait till a merengue so that you aren't flat on the floor in 30 seconds. Serious dancers wear serious shoes.

4. SHADOW- I tell my kids all the time "When you are in the room, be IN the room." Don't expect to get dances if a man has to navigate a sea of dancers and a mountain of street shoes and purses to find you sitting in the dark in a corner of the club with your eyes on your cellphone. Be on the dance floor or near it. Pick your head up. Make eye contact and SMILE!!!! Let us see you. Also some cleavage couldn't hurt. ;:-)

Joe Figueroa

Related article
Part 1  - Why Men as Women to Dance