Sonya wrote a wonderful article "Why do women turn men down (in dancing)
and what to do about it." and there was a comment that desired to hear
from a man's a point of view. I did ponder the question for some time. I
also met up with our buddy Joe to hear his thoughts as well. Here is
how it stacks up between the both of us. Stephen Choo Quan is going to do Part1 and Joe Figueroawill do Part2.
Ok here is the way I see it.
Men don't USUALLY say no to a woman for a dance. I have a firm never
say no policy. If I do say no I must be VERY tired from a set of dances
or the next song was promised to someone else. But I always make that
dance up to the person I missed.
As for what makes me ask a woman to dance.....That depends on a number
1. MEMORY-If I'm out and see a woman I have had great dances with in the
past, I make sure to seek her out.
2. FRESH FACES-Sometimes you see a new woman on the scene who
you have never seen before. A dance is always a great way to meet new
3. The BILL CLINTON-Sometimes the song demands a dance RIGHT THERE
RIGHT NOW. It doesn't matter who you have in your hands, you just want
someone to share the song with "skill level" be damned. So you grab
whomever is closest. This happens to me a lot.
Ok this being said there are reasons men don't ask women. I have some
1. YOU FOLLOW I LEAD- Enough said. I didn't spend 15 years trying to
be one of the worlds best leads, to have a woman come along and try to
dictate our dance. You can trust that I'm going to make you look and
feel good. You can trust that I'm going to let you enjoy and interpret
the song so that its fun. There are some woman out there that think
they can dance EVERY partner the way they do with their regular partner.
To me these dances always are a disaster.
2. I'M JUST A MAN- I know I am an instructor, but when I am out social
dancing, I just want to dance. Not critique every dance I have or every
partner. When I see that look on a woman's face of fear or
intimidation, I tend to let them go. I don't want to dance with a woman
if she is intimidated by me. If your nervous and put me in an
authoritative position, the whole time you are thinking "Am I doing this
Just let it go. We're just having a good time. I'm not checking to see
if you point your toes when you style.....(But you should)
3. SERIOUS SHOES- I know it may sound silly. But if a woman isn't
in dance shoes, I am assuming she is either not ready yet or about to
leave. If your wearing 5 inch platforms......CMON! I figure you're not
serious. I would still ask you to dance but wait till a merengue so
that you aren't flat on the floor in 30 seconds. Serious dancers wear
4. SHADOW- I tell my kids all the time "When you are in the room, be IN
the room." Don't expect to get dances if a man has to navigate a sea
of dancers and a mountain of street shoes and purses to find you sitting
in the dark in a corner of the club with your eyes on your cellphone.
Be on the dance floor or near it. Pick your head up. Make eye contact
and SMILE!!!! Let us see you.
Also some cleavage couldn't hurt. ;:-) Joe Figueroa