Carnival Tip #31 - When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete (Part Three - Single Parent Problems)
http://www.trinijunglejuice.com/tjjnews/articles/4142/1/Carnival-Tip-31---When-Real-Life-Gets-In-The-Way-Of-The-Fete-Part-Three---Single-Parent-Problems/Page1.html
Dr. Rhadi Ferguson aka The Carnival Doctor
By Dr. Rhadi Ferguson aka The Carnival Doctor
Published on 28-Sep-15
When you want to fete or lime as a single
parent the first thing that you think about is coverage. Yes,
coverage. You want to know if you are going to be able to get someone
to watch your kid while you hang out. And you have to be aware of how
much you are going to need this person in the future and you don't want
to ask too often and wear out your welcome. Because here are the usual
options:
1. You pay for a babysitter/Nannie
2. You have friend who watches your child sometimes and you watch hers at times
3.
Your parents watch the child/children while you go out but you ALWAYS
have to deal with the possibility of getting "that look" upon the pickup
of the child
4. You can ask the father to watch the child while you hangout (which is usually NOT an option at all)
Now,
all of these options have to be put into place solidly BEFORE you say
that you can or cannot go to a fete or carnival. This is such a hurdle
for attending carnival and if not, it is one for attending carnivals
back to back to back. Especially if your little one(s) is/are young.
I
have literally heard people cry over the phone because they will miss
Miami Carnival after missing Trinidad Carnival in the same year because
they do not have anyone to watch their child. It is rough and it is one
issue for which I have only one solution.
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Here's My Solution
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This Message Has Been Brought
To You By The ONLY Book Endorsed
By TriniJungleJuice and MyCarnivalBands
www.TheUltimateRoadReadyGuide.com
=================================
In a perfect world. Most of us would
travel, fete, do carnivals and have most road experiences on Saturday so
that we can make our way into church on Sunday for the FULL spiritual
experience of carnival. But traveling is limited via budget constraints
and responsibilities. For some of us, fetting is limited per
babysitting coverage and having a good fete to go to. And for others,
doing carnival is a matter of money, resources and time.
No
matter what the hurdle, we all have our challenges. We all overcome them
in some form or fashion but none of us can lie..... We've all missed a
fete, a carnival or a quality soca experience because "real life" got in
the way.
There are few scenarios that I have watched happen
during my carnival experiences in speaking with various carnival
veterans and carnival virgins. I have also experienced some of them
myself and would like to address them, the hurdles which they present
and some possible solutions.
So here we go.
In Part One, we discussed The Marriage Hurdle and the challenges that are presented with that particular situation. Then we discussed The Married With Children Hurdle and the challenges that are presented with that particular situation.
In this part of the series "When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete" The Carnival Doctor will address "Single Parent Problems."
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Disclaimer
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I am married and have 2 children and I have a very, very f#cking low tolerance for men who do not take care of their children and the mothers who are taking care of their children when they are not around. Sending a check is not the same as being there. You can send a check, which is your RESPONSIBILITY, but that does not help out when the child is sick at 2am and someone has to sit up with them and monitor them and still get ready for work at 6:30am and get everybody off to school. I have seen men work "under the table" jobs so that they don't have to pay child support. I have watched people just not pay and then file for custody after placing the woman in a bad situation financially. I have also watched men spend money in parties, fetes, clubs and on frivolous bull$h!t but won't send money home. I've also watched people travel the world to party but they won't take off time to visit their children. If you do this, I do not condemn you, for such is not my place. However, I would like to encourage you to take different position and a different stance in life. Please. Do better. We, as a community of global citizens, need for YOU to do better. Thank you.
Also....
The statistics are the statistics. I
cannot argue with them and I'm not going to argue with you about them.
The fact of the matter is this: most single parent households
are headed by women. Not all, but most. So the premise and foundation
of this piece of written articulation is going to be skewed per that
fact.
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Single Parent Problems
===============
When you want to fete or lime as a single parent the first thing that you think about is coverage. Yes, coverage. You want to know if you are going to be able to get someone to watch your kid while you hang out. And you have to be aware of how much you are going to need this person in the future and you don't want to ask too often and wear out your welcome. Because here are the usual options:
1. You pay for a babysitter/Nannie
2. You have friend who watches your child sometimes and you watch hers at times
3. Your parents watch the child/children while you go out but you ALWAYS have to deal with the possibility of getting "that look" upon the pickup of the child
4. You can ask the father to watch the child while you hangout (which is usually NOT an option at all)
Now, all of these options have to be put into place solidly BEFORE you say that you can or cannot go to a fete or carnival. This is such a hurdle for attending carnival and if not, it is one for attending carnivals back to back to back. Especially if your little one(s) is/are young.
I have literally heard people cry over the phone because they will miss Miami Carnival after missing Trinidad Carnival in the same year because they do not have anyone to watch their child. It is rough and it is one issue for which I have only one solution.
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Here's My Solution
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First and foremost, you may have to make some adult decisions and realize that you may not be able to go. Secondly, you are going to have to develop better and solid symbiotic relationships with those who can assist you and you can assist them. Thirdly, Ecclesiastes 10:19 reads, "A feast is made for laughter, wine makes life merry, and money is the answer for everything." Which means, another option is to make more money, access more money or move around some of that fete money so that you can do less quantity of fetes and more quality fetting.
The main key is finding people with whom you can provide a reciprocal relationship. This is the best solution for a night out of fetting.
If you are close to family that makes a WORLD of difference. This is something that you should really consider if you move out of the area for a better job, school or position when you have a child. The "hidden costs" that you may have to pay (i.e. NO fetting or less fetes because of no coverage) may be more than you can bear.
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Let's Wrap This Up
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Yes,
I coach. I do health and wellness coaching and life coaching. I also
teach on the university level. Does that mean I have all the answers?
Nope!! That doesn't even mean that my approach is the best one for
everybody. However, if this conversation and dialogue and the ensuing
ones can help anybody struggling with this issue or any one that lies
on the periphery or carnival, then that's awesome. In the grand scheme
of things, life is too short to be arguing and fighting so long. Let go
and let God. And play a lil' soca on the way.
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Closing
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Look, I'm cool with band launches and pictures and beads and boots. And I will address it.
I'm also cool with having real conversations about the exclusivity of bands, parties, limes and fetes. And I will address it.
I'm
also down with talking about the obesity rate per the Center of Disease
Control (CDC) of the United States and globally and that impact on
carnival costumes, etc.,. And I will address it.
I'm also cool with talking about real life issues that impact your carnival experience and that is why I'm here.
I do things a little bit tongue-in-cheek at time and try to add some humor to the things that I write, but lets keep it 100!!
Carnival is big business and carnival is grown folk business.
There are kiddie carnivals here and there but those are also run by
adults. And as adults we have to have real issues address and here at
TriniJungleJuice is where we address those issue while making sure that
you can continue to enjoy carnival at not only its highest levels but
enjoy it for all the levels which is provides access. At
TriniJungleJuice every new employee is given the same line that I was
given. We are all told, "If you are in this for the money, you are here
for the wrong reason. We do this because we love carnival. If you love
carnival, we would love to have you and your love for carnival will
allow you to make money along the way." And no truer words were ever
spoken. I am writing this and you reading it and I am ALLOWED to write
it because of a love that I have and you have for carnival. So I thank you,
as always, for reading it and I'm looking forward to sharing parts 2
through 6 with you of this series: "When Real Life Gets In The Way Of
The Fete"
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 2 - Married With Children
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 3 - Single Parent Problems
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 4 - The Financial Hurdle
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 5 - The Scheduling Hurdle (work and responsibilities)
When Real Life Gets In The Way Of The Fete Part 6 - Bringing It All Together (input from the facebook posts)
Peace and blessings.
Please, once again, govern yourselves accordingly.
Blessings From Here To There,
Rhadi Ferguson, PhD
"The Carnival Doctor"
P.S. For the best information in the world concerning carnivals please visit www.TriniJungleJuice.com For the most comprehensive site available for fete tickets and masquerader costumes, please visit www.MyCarnivalBands.com
P.P.S. For more information on how to properly prepare for carnival like a true veteran, please visit www.CarnivalPrep.com