Caribbean News and Views | Jungle Jabber -
Reasons Men Ask Women to Dance (repeated dances) Part1
By Stephen aka Original Lime Flavour
Published on 07-Apr-14
Sonya wrote a wonderful article "Why do women turn men down (in dancing) and what to do about it." and there was a comment that desired to hear from a man's a point of view. I did ponder the question for some time.  I also met up with our buddy Joe to hear his thoughts as well.  Here is how it stacks up between the both of us. Stephen Choo Quan is going to do Part1 and Joe Figueroa will do Part2.

Stephen's Insights
Men do not turn women down for a dance so we are not going to address that but they do ask.  Some women get bombarded with offers and some feel a bit isolated.

Ladies here are our strategies for getting the dance you want and get it over and over again.

  1. ASK IN ADVANCE, if you do not know someone and never been asked then just nudge them and tell them the following.  "I have seen you dance and you have mad skills, I want to see if you can make me look like how you make those other ladies do."  I am sure he will ask you to dance.
  2. DEVELOP YOUR DANCE SKILL, group classes allow you to meet and makes lots of new friends, They will gauge your skill level and they will practice with you.  You can enjoy each other’s company on the social floor.  Many of the cliques that you see today are a result of such studio/ performances/ dance teams bonding.
  3. DRESS SEXY, you will always catch more bees with a well fitted black dress and some high heels than vinegar.  Just kidding, you just want to stand out in your own way, do not just blend it or you will be over looked.
  4. HAVE SOME ENERGY, do not respond like a dead fish when you are approached.  So he does not look like a prince on a white horse but you have no idea of his skills.  You never know what you really like until you feel it.  At least go into it with some positive energy.
  5. PAY ATTENTION, the dance is only a few minutes long.  There is no need to keep looking around like you are hearing someone calling your name.  Smile and look at your partner, even if you are looking at this feet to see what you are doing.  At least you are somewhat present
  6. BE GRATEFUL, when you get asked that is an honor, he chose to ask you, that is something valuable and you should not just take that for granted.
  7. GET A REPUTATION, let men talk about you as a great dancer, a sweet person and a must dance with.  I am sure you will never sit on the side lines unless you are dead tired.  You do NOT want the reputation of the snob who just did 2 performances in a showcase and now think you are above others.

Stephen Choo Quan

See Sonya's Why do women turn men down (in dancing) and what to do about it.

Sonya says, IMO, there are several reasons and I see it all the time at the Salsa clubs
1. YOU ARE NOT A GOOD DANCER, meaning your lead is too rough, you are physically hurting the girl, or your lead is too weak, or your patterns are boring or you are dancing off time. If you get a lot of "no's" for this reason, you need to take lessons and specifically private lessons.

2. She already promised the dance to someone else. Don't get offended, just stand by and grab her for the next one. Ladies, if that is indeed the case, you absolutely MUST find that gentleman and dance with him the next one.

3. You have an unpleasant smell. If you get "no's" for that reason, shower, deodorant, gum, extra shirts are a must.

4. You are TOO good. If she is a beginner, she may be intimidated to dance with you. Solution for that is to always dance to your partner’s level and make them feel comfortable. Men, when you dance, you are not dancing for YOU, you are dancing for HER, make that be her best dance of the night (repeat this many times and you will start to understand what I mean).

5. You make her feel uncomfortable by dancing too close (especially Bachata) or just being plain weird or sending some odd signals that she is not up for. If you bring her in, but there is resistance in her back and she doesn’t fully fall into your arms, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE CLOSE (just one of the signs). So stop it.

6. She has never seen you before and she is just not sure if this is going to be a good dance. Ladies, if that’s the case, you always want to give him a chance, you never know, it might be THE best dance of your night. You are not obligated to anything beyond ONE dance, in my book.

7. You are drunk and clearly don't know how to dance at all. Solution for that would be to go to a non-Salsa club because everyone at a Salsa club is pretty much there to dance.

“I am tired” is never a reason. Trust me, even if she is tired and some amazing dancer walks into the club, who is dressed sharp, smells good and has serious skills, waltzes over to her and asks her to dance, she instantly forgets that “she is tired”.

And there you have it, some more of dance reflections before we get our Salsa on at the opening night of the Stadium Sundays tonight!

Related Article
Why Men ask women to dance - Part 2